Rodenbach Grand Cru

Oh my god. What the hell was that? It was like being offered a beer and then being punched in the spleen. I am not sure I have tasted a more hideous "beer" in my life. 

On a scale of one to ten this scores anthrax. Avoid. Even if you hate yourself. You don't hate yourself this much, believe me. 

Crocodile Lager

Horrible.

Mohawk Easter Rocket - Red India Pale Ale

Like buses they are. No reviews for ages then two at once.

One from my local brewery up the road, Slottkällans of Uppsala, we have another Easter beer. Yay!

This one boasts seven different hops and seven malts. Well, one is biscuit and one is chocolate. I assume they are malts and not just someone crumbling chocolate hob nobs into the mix.

It's a lovely colour. Classic bitter and then it all gets a but confusing. Starts by being stouty (that is also a word) and then goes full on IPA. Is it an unholy alliance? No. It's lovely. Brilliant in fact.

I am going to start doing surreal marking, so I give this penguin.

St. Eriks Easter Double IPA

And we are back! And by crikey are we back. This is an 8.5% Double IPA. The first sensation you get is "ooh, jelly beans". That sounds bad but is actually good. Yet another strong beer that doesn't taste as strong as it is. Some people would say that is dangerous. Some people would say it is irresponsible. Some would even say it should be banned. Face first.

I say it's great.

The taste isn't very IPA-y. That's a word. And it actually does taste a bit like jelly beans, which is good if you like jelly beans. I think I like it, and I like St Eriks for putting out such a strong Easter beer. I like the bottle and I love it that Sweden brings out Easter beers. If I am not mistaken, the price was an insanely reasonable 20 sek or something like that (about 2 quid in real money).

Buy this, drink it and enjoy Easter that little bit more.

Epic - Armageddon IPA

This one promises an onslaught of hops. I love hops. I could eat hops for breakfast. So I assumed I would love this one. Thing is, I am not sure I did. (I am setting myself up to have to redo this one...). There was a lot of hops. Tons in fact, but it lacked something. The hops made it REALLY bitter, which is fine as long as you get something else to balance it. It may have been a result of having tried other beers first, but the jury is out on this one.

Until then Epic Armageddon will have to stay on the maybe list.

Spaten - Optimator

This beer sounds like some sort of Transformer character. The Optimator. It's 7.6%. I was a little scared trying this one. I have never had a strong German beer that I know of, and the chap in the shop described it as a dark lager. I was thinking along the same lines as Special Brew or Elephant Beer. In other words, gipping.

I needn't have worried though. This is lovely. It isn't too sweet, it's incredibly malty and all in all delicious. It reminds me of a non alcoholic drink they sell in Germany, Malzbier, a malt drink, pretend beer for kids. This is very similar. Like dark boozy Horlicks.

Yum!

Thornbridge - Jaipur IPA

The first thing that strikes me is that this is a 500ml bottle. I like 500ml bottles. So I already like this beer. I can't remember the price of this new addition to the Systembolaget (Swedish booze shops for those who don't know), but I seem to remember it was reasonable.

This is a light beer. In colour, not on strength. The bugger is 6.9%, but you wouldn't tell from tasting it. Nice level of bitterness, splendid flavour and a 500ml bottle. Welcome to my beer family Mr Jaipur.

Edit: It's 5.9% apparently.

Innis & Gunn - Original Oak Aged Beer

Imagine finding a house in the forest. You go in. It looks like it hasn't been inhabited for years. You go into the dusty attic. You find a small wooden box. You lick that box. This beer tastes nothing like that. That would be horrible. Why would you lick an old wooden box? Nutter.

This is a lovely beer. A strong little chap, 6.6%. Honey and caramel and vanilla. Possibly a bit of oakiness, but I'm never sure if I imagine that bit. I can imagine sitting by a log fire with my feet up, supping this as a clock ticks in the corner of the room. Lovely. The clock might get annoying after a bit though.

To sum up, lovely beer, shame about that noisy bloody clock.

BrewDog Punk IPA

Nice to get this one in early. One of my absolute favourites. Like being hit around the head with a sock full of hops. And snooker balls. Lovely hoppy madness. My guess is cascade or centennial for the hops, but whatever it is they use, they use loads.

This is an all purpose beer. With food, with friends or simply by yourself while mourning the loss of a pet or a favourite jumper in an ironing accident. The jumper, that is, not the pet. That would be awful and I can't imagine you not being to blame in some way if that happened.

To sum up. Buy it, drink it and love it. Hail to the king!

Courage Imperial Russian Stout

The label said it is brewed the way it was done for Catherine the Great in 1795. If that's true, I expect that she spent most of the time razzed. Her title is probably shortened from Catherine the Great Big Lush. This beast is 10%. The label says a rich espresso body, pear overtones and an intriguing smokey fruity finish. I don't agree, apart from the last bit. It's like liquid sticky toffee pudding.

This is definitely a winter beer. I had it together with my own body weight in cheese. That worked.

All in all I would liken this beer to waking up in a small Hotel in St Petersburg wearing a tiara and in possession of someone else's passport. Which could happen.

BrewDog Citra

Part of the IPA is Dead range. 7.5%. The name sounds lemony but the beer isn't. I'm not really sure what it tastes of. Apart from beer. Nothing jumps out. It's not unpleasant, just not spectacular. Like bread. Or trees.

Beer tasting. Discipline needed

Well, that wasn't a good start. Tried lots of interesting beers, made no notes and can't remember much about them. Ah well, will just have to do them again...

(Note: I did not drink all these alone)